One of those petty concerns that linger in the back of my mind was to be assuaged when I picked up a magazine from a seat on the bus to work. Instead of squeezing it down the gap between the seats, I flicked through it. It was a health-shop freebie, and the morning traffic meant that I had time to thumb my way through to the last page, which was titled Ronder boven de vijftig is gezonder – Rounder over 50 is healthier.

This seems to be addressed to me, not that I am in any way a roly-poly. But it told me that I could extend my life by carrying a bit more weight once I had passed 50.

Some weeks ago, my daughter Kirsty had been paying special attention in her biology class and during dinner worked out that my Body Mass Index was 26, which condemned me to the ranks of the overweight. I have long tried to take such pronouncements with a pinch of salt, but you always wonder that perhaps there may be some truth in them. Now, thanks to this article, I find that my longevity is assured by my age and being slightly overweight.

Yet the article did contain some words of warning: de bierbuik is gevaarlijk voor mannen – a beer belly is dangerous for men. There followed all sorts of dire consequences of having such an apple shape. For women, on the other hand, being pear shaped is good for you: vet op de heupen en achterwerk is gunstig – fat on the hips and bottom (“after-work”) is beneficial. So again, women come out winners.

Another article has the same theme: Hoe gezonder eten en langer leven – How to eat healthier and live longer. There follows a list of bullet points beginning Vermijd – Avoid. Then I see the word Alcohol and the advice: één glas rode wijn per dag; niet méér, maar ... ook niet minder – one glass of red wine per day; not more, but ... also not less. The trouble is, I have all sizes of wine glasses at home.

Apart from that, it half-recommends potatoes (niet slecht – not bad) and fish oil, which brings us back to fish and chips. Pass the sea salt.