Some messages are signed boringly with “Marc” or “An”; others are more familiar: knuffelbeer – cuddly bear; bolleke – chubby. Some messages promise a bed of roses: de laatste Valentijn als jouw verloofde – the last Valentine as your fiancé; binnenkort word ik jouw man – soon I’ll be your husband; het wordt zoals ik beloofde – it will be as I promised. Ah, promises, promises.

Some write of lasting love: wat vliegt de tijd snel, bedankt voor de 17 jaar samen – how time flies, thanks for the 17 years together. The passion is clearly undiminished when she thanks hubby for putting her nightdress iedere avond op de radiator – every night on the radiator. In July, too? Or perhaps I’m missing something.

I see one woman here has made an unbelievable find: jij bent mijn huis-, tuin- en klusjesman – you are my house, garden and oddjob man. I hope my wife doesn’t read this. The lucky lass continues: mijn minnaar, mijn kok, mijn chauffeur, mijn verpleger, mijn raadgever – my lover, my cook, my chauffeur, my nurse, my adviser. She goes on and on and eventually finishes: jij bent mijn man die alles kan – you are my man who can do everything.

Well, at least for the moment.

One trend in these messages (I’ve made a study of them) is the increasing use of English. Do the writers think it’s more real to write “let’s walk together” and “whisper me even death can’t do us apart”? Anyway, they’re cute.

The real messages are those that fire the imagination. One reads je bent echt het ijzer van mijn chassis – you really are the iron in my chassis. And you think, is he a mechanic? And what state is her chassis in? Some are beastly but also revealing: je bent nog steeds mijn favoriete circusdier – you are still my favourite circus animal. Does she have him jumping through hoops? And of course je bent mijn knuffelbeer – you are my cuddly bear, which could mean that you should really lose those love handles.

Some messages show that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Here Johan is waiting impatiently for Nathalie to return from her Erasmus term: als je in Italië niet aan een Latin lover blijft plakken – if you don’t get hooked on a Latin lover in Italy.

Surprisingly few messages contain the straightforward Ik hou van je – I love you. I suppose the down-to-earth Flemish work on the principle that if I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t be writing this sentimental tosh.