It's not like starting a new job, where you are given time to settle in. No, kids should be keyed up as they go terug naar school - back to school. Some days ago, parents should have been getting their offspring into a school rhythm: "Stop de kinderen op hetzelfde uur in bed als tijdens het schooljaar - Put the children to bed at the same time as during the school year".

You wonder sometimes if the people who write this stuff have kids of their own. Other advice seems self-evident: "Zoek boekentassen, brooddozen en fluo- jasjes opnieuw bij elkaar - Look for school bags, bread boxes and fluorescent jackets".

Yet this next tip is well worth following if your child is going to cycle or walk to school for the first time: "verken de weg en waarschuw hen voor de gevaren - check out the route and warn them of any dangers".

Of course, today is a red-letter day for kids going to school for the first time. Many will already have been to kleuterschool - kindergarten - so will have
friends in the big school, perhaps een grote broer - a big brother or zus - sister.

One thing you can be sure of is that this evening, bar the outbreak of World War Three, the evening news at 19.00 will open with as much as 10 minutes about de terugkeer naar school - the return to school, with interviews at the school gate showing parents sniffing back the tears as their Tommeke trots off to his new world.

For some, today means starting at een internaat - a boarding school. More than 12,000 pupils will be sleeping away from home this week before going home for the weekend. No doubt a good solution for some, but what about een peuterinternaat - a "boarding school" for toddlers?

Well, some kinderdagverblijven - creches - will take care of your baby for the whole week, which makes you wonder why you would have kids in the first place. And can you leave them there until the end of the month? Handy if you end up in hospital or prison but, for many, this is een stap tever-asteptoofar.Forde Gezinsbond - the Family Union: "Dit zal problemen opleveren voor de hechting aan de ouders - This will cause problems with the bonding with parents".

Time to spend some quality time with my teacher wife and ask if she's packed her boekentas.