Talking Dutch: Let's touch base in the idea shower

Flair – according to its website – is voor jonge vrouwen met een openmind op seks, relaties, mode, beauty, diet – Flair is for young women who are open-minded about sex, relationships, fashion, beauty and diet.

It specialises in typical glossy magazine headlines like – 8 Flirt Signalen – 8 Signs He is Flirting, or Hoge Hakken voor Beginners – High Heels for Beginners.

You get the idea. So would the new editor be up to the job? asked current affairs programme Terzake. The journalist Ann De Craemer, who watched the interview, was distinctly unimpressed.

Hopelijk wordt het bobotaaltje van Frederik De Swaef niet de nieuwe huisstijl van Flair – Hopefully Frederik De Swaef’s management jargon is not going to be Flair’s new house style, she wrote in De Morgen.

De Craemer listed some of the words that symbolised De Swaef’s tenenkrullend managerstaaltje – his cringe-worthy management-speak. Hij had het over “een volumestrategie volgen” – He went on about “following a volume strategy”, “diversifiëren binnen die domeinen” – diversifying within the portfolios, “monetariseren” – monetising, “native advertising” and “ebit-strategie” – ebit strategy, en wel zes keer over “content” –as well as mentioning “content” no less than six times. 

Now if there is one word that annoys Ann De Craemer, it’s “content”. Het is een term die mensen die zichzelf een air van belangrijkheid willen aanmeten maar wat graag gebruiken – It’s a word that people like to use when they want to make themselves sound important.

"Content" klinkt namelijk chiquer dan "inhoud" – "Content" sounds more posh than "inhoud", De Craemer argued, noting the Dutch word for, well, content. Het is "ik-hoor-bij-de-club-en-ik-doe-heel-belangrijk-taal" – It says "I belong to the club, and I am speaking a very important language."

De Craemer went on to worry about some of the sentences that might crop up once Flair’s new editor took over – Ook op zoek naar een nieuw kapsel? – Are you looking for a new hairstyle? Dan bieden deze tools je vast en zeker incentives voor een kwaliteits- en resultaatgerichte hairdo, volledig out-of-the box – Then these tools offer you clear and certain incentives to achieve a qualitative and results-driven hairdo that is totally out of the box.

Or how about this? Flexibiliseer deze zomer je outfit! – Flexibilise your outfit this summer! Diversifiëren is in – Diversification is hot! Zowel thuis als op de werkvloer zal dat je operational excellence ten goede komen – This will ensure that you optimise your operational performance both at home and in the office.  

Nee, dat is niet wat "de consument" van Flair van haar blad verlangt – No, that’s not what the Flair consumer wants from her magazine, De Craemer said.

It looks like Flair’s new editor might have to take an idea shower and kick that office jargon into the long grass.