Talking Dutch

peuterinternaat

The first day of September marks the end of summer, no matter what the weatherman says. Today children go back to school after two months of holiday. In recent days, the papers have been brimming over with advice for parents, though none apparently for the pupils themselves.

It's not like starting a new job, where you are given time to settle in. No, kids should be keyed up as they go terug naar school - back to school. Some days ago, parents should have been getting their offspring into a school rhythm: "Stop de kinderen op hetzelfde uur in bed als tijdens het schooljaar - Put the children to bed at the same time as during the school year".

Alistair MaClean

(September 1, 2010)

meezingen

As any of you who have been to the Belgian coast during the summer know, it’s not the place to go to get away from it all. Of course, a few spots of rain will leave you alone on de dijk – the promenade, and at low tide you can sing to the waves without attracting much attention.

So I knew what to expect when we went for the weekend to Nieuwpoort Bad. Yet, when old grumpy here looked out from our balcony overlooking the end of de dijk and saw another temporary stage being thrown up, I moaned "not more din".

That evening we had an enjoyable seafront meal at Twins, while in front of us on de dijk young hopefuls draped with Miss Coast Belgium sashes posed beside a stable of Porsches. As we strolled back, we were greeted by strains of"Ohlaatdezoninjehart- Oh let the sun in your heart", a standard of Flemish crooner Willy Sommers.

Alistair MacLean

(August 25, 2010)

woonwagen

Downsizing has its attractions. For some, moving to a smaller place when the kids leave home has many advantages. Others want to go further, sell up and buy een woonwagen – a mobile home. You’ll have seen these out on the roads during the summer and probably thought of the freedom you’d have if you could stop almost where you liked to spend the night in your cosy all-in-one home on wheels.

Okay, few have gone the whole hog and upped sticks to live on wheels, though there are those who grew up on the move. For rondreizende woonwagenbewoners - travellers who live in mobile homes, there are only a few doortrekkersterreinen - parking sites in Flanders. And these were only built as the result of the woonwagen being defined some years ago as een volwaardige woning - a recognised living unit in the Flemish regulation governing residential areas, de Wooncode - the "Living Code". It's reckoned that fewer than 2,000 people live permanently on the move in a woonwagen in Flanders.

Alistair MaClean

(August 18, 2010)

zingen

I’ve given that earworm of a song by actor Tom Waes three months to fade, but “Dos Cervezas” – “Two Beers” – still plays in my head at unguarded moments. Tom fronts a TV show on channel één called Tomtesterom, in which he takes up challenges, including Hoe word je een sumoworstelaar – How do you become a sumo wrestler? and Hoe tem je een wild paard? – How do you tame a wild horse?

These painful-to-watch dares he accomplishes with panache, and foreign TV stations were interested in buying the format but backed out of a deal because they have no one with the multitalent to take on the challenges.

The not-so-young Tom must have been pleased to face the challenge of Hoe word ik schlagerzanger? – How do I become a (sweetly sentimental) pop singer? instead of learning how to hypnotise sharks.

Alistair MacLean

(August 11, 2010)

eten

Coming from the land of deepfried Mars bars, I may not be the best qualified to write about food – eten. Yet one of the pleasures of Flanders is bourgondisch tafelen – dining heartily. As with all pleasures, it tends to be taken for granted after a time.

A couple of recent visits to our northern neighbours brought this home to me. When I told my wife I was going on a business trip to Amsterdam, she warned me to expect broodjes kaas – bread and cheese, and that’s exactly what lunch consisted of, and I had to make up the sandwich like everyone else present. Very nice, but very different from Flemish custom.

Alistair MacLean

(August 3, 2010)

bewegen

When some people get the bit between their teeth, there’s no putting them off. Take John Francis, who gave up speaking for 14 years in protest at the damage caused by oil spills. He said he just wanted to do it for one day but found that for the first time he was listening to what people were saying, and so he held his tongue.

The same cannot be said about Gentenaar Stefaan Engels because he knew before he started what he was letting himself in for. Stefaan is an experienced marathon and triathlon athlete in his 40s. On 1 January, he announced “Ik ga voor 365 marathons en u? I’m going for 365 marathons and you?” Well, he set off that day round the Watersportbaan in Ghent, which is a large recreation area. About four laps is 42 and a bit kilometres, a marathon.

(July 14, 2010)

ongeval

A little-known fact is that the word “accident” is one of the oldest in the English language. Whether the Dutch equivalent ongeval is equally old is for someone else to answer. Certainly, accidents have always seemed to be waiting to happen: there are buses to be fallen under and ladders to be fallen off.

I got thinking about ongevallen when a colleague phoned me the other day from home saying she had fallen over her dog and torn some ligaments. At the same moment, I had in fact been reading about the unfortunate Alexander De Croo under the headline ADC rolt het ziekenhuis uit – ADC rolls out of hospital. The young leader of the Flemish Liberals took a tumble, with his horse Chronos landing on top of him: hij brak daarbij zijn rechtervoet en zijn elleboog – he broke his right foot and his elbow. And this on top of losing the election.

Alistair MacLean

(July 7, 2010)

warmte

Things are warming up. And just at the right time, too. The exams are over, which comes as a relief to the modern parent who feels obliged to mollycoddle their young to the point where you have to tiptoe round the house just in case you distract the young crammers.

Yes, the sun has got its hat on, hip hip hooray, and should be out in the coming days. Which makes the timing of a campaign titled “kies voor groene warmte – choose green heat” perfect. The holidays are upon us, the festivals are kicking off with Rock Werchter on 1 July, and young and old will be heading off on vacation.

Alistair MacLean

(June 30, 2010)

hoofdpijn

You may be one of the lucky ones whose head is always as clear as a bell. Others of you may suffer from the occasional hoofdpijn – headache, self-induced or not, which passes perhaps with the aid of an aspirin.

But don’t tell a migraine sufferer that they just have a headache. Migraine affects one in eight of us, though more women than men: één vrouw op vier, één man op twaalf – one in four women, one in twelve men. One difference from hoofdpijn is that uw maag van streek is – your stomach is upset.

Alistair MacLean

(June 23, 2010)

geheugen

When you see the words “research has shown”, you should reach for the salt. Yet, I thought twice when I read that it has been shown that being bilingual, apart from the obvious benefit, protects the brain from ageing.

Well, although I do my best to stave off the ravages of time, I occasionally find myself having a premature senior moment. Perhaps some brain training in Dutch is what I need. It’s not that I have a memory like a sieve – een geheugen als een zeef or als een garnaal – “as a shrimp”.

Perhaps I should be more mindful, though I wouldn’t get much done if I had to pause at every corner to absorb the scene.

Alistair MacLean

(June 16, 2010)